A year ago today, the rug was pulled out from under me and I walked through the most difficult 48 hours of my life.
Despite walking in direct obedience, I was betrayed by a trusted person, who quite literally stole what was rightfully mine.
The pain of that act of betrayal stung worse from the disbelief that a good God would sit idly by and allow this to happen. How could this happen on His watch?
I was then faced with a choice: complete what God had clearly told me to do, or walk away.
Despite my feelings, I decided to stick it out and close this chapter as God instructed.
For most people the story ends here with some nice anecdote. That’s not how my story ended. I was still mad. I was still hurt. And I took it all out on God.
I stopped coming to church, using the excuse that I was moving, but really, I just made an active choice to not be in God’s house. My pain was still too real, and I felt betrayed by God.
God let me sit in that pain for a very, very short season. Then He said, “enough.”
A leader at our very large church started noticing that I was missing and would text me every Sunday that I was missing. Her loving correction and gentle nudge was God’s “enough” and it got me back in the room.
I picked up my old habits slowly. Sitting with God, often in holy silence.
One day, I just decided to release this painful event and surrender it to him. I decided that in order to move on with my purpose, I had to forgive. I have been praying and believing for the salvation and legacy of this person that hurt me so deeply.
I didn’t realize it, but somewhere along the way of praying for this person, I was able to completely forgive them and the situation. Today, 365 days removed from that situation, I hold no anger towards the person that hurt me – only the genuine hope for their salvation and a fruitful life working towards building God’s kingdom.
It’s funny, because in the course of that exercise, God revealed something to me: that pain wasn’t wasted. I needed that painful last experience in order to completely walk away from that situation, and step into my new season and walk closer to my purpose.
This year has taught me a powerful lesson: there’s nothing that man can take that God can’t restore in measure.
Would you believe me if I said that God restored the value of what was taken from me 10 fold? I’m not even exaggerating – that’s what happened.
God is faithful. God restores. God blesses and honors obedience. God will not waste your pain.
This year has taught me a number of valuable lessons. Chief among them, to trust God, even when it feels like He has failed you. Our God has never and will never fail us. There is purpose in everything. This year has also taught me that integrity and obedience matter. Remember, Cain’s offering was better, but it wasn’t what God asked for – when God asks you for something, give it to Him, even if it costs you everything.
And finally, surround yourself with a community of people who have your back and are unafraid to tell you a painful truth, and who will not just correct you, but help you find your way back home.
A year removed from the most painful experience and betrayal of my life, I am grateful and I am hopeful. Our God restores.
The Lady Esquire 